Friday, November 5, 2010

so it's my due date.

I'm posting because i feel like I should since it's officially our Due Date™. As of now, there's no baby in my arms. He's still scrunched all up in my tummy and despite the fact that I have been in prelabor (affectionately also known as "false labor" (sarcastic emphasis on the word "affectionately" there in case that wasn't obvious)) for a full 23 days of torture and torment at this point, it doesn't seem like he's too eager to make an appearance today. Although there are still four hours of today left so who knows (how's THAT for optimism? the glimmering little thought that even though i am posting this at seven pm that i could 1. still go into labor today and 2. that if i DO magically somehow go into labor (oh please oh please oh please) that he would be out within four hours. Ha!)).

I am so distraught over this whole i-haven't-had-the-baby-yet scenario that I am actually on a hiatus from the internet at the moment (aren't i doing a good job? lol. Although in my defense, this is literally the only site i am at and i will close up firefox after i'm done updating this blog). Why am i on an internet hiatus? Because I just can't handle it. I just can't. There are a lot of well-wishers out there and my phone, my facebook and other blog have been all atwitter (oh, and twitter) with comments to me today wishing my luck and pointing out that The Day has officially arrived. And while I honest-to-god do appreciate the kind sentiment behind the well-wishes I guess I can't fully handle all of them. I specifically can't handle the "so where's the baby" comments (even though they ARE being made with a smile and I know that they are meant well). I just can't. I can't even handle the "Happy Due Date!" comments because with every ticking minute that goes by it feels less and less happy honestly. 

Every day that passes with more fake-labor and less baby-birth makes me feel like some kind of failure in some way or another. That and it makes me cry my eyes out because it signifies another day that I have to go through being massively pregnant and equally uncomfortable. Truly at this point I am a globe. A huge, hormonal, uncomfortable globe with a pulled muscle in my hip and thigh muscles. And i have one resident who lives on this giant cranky globe and despite the fact that the globe is closing up shop soon, he seems to refuse to take a hit and GTF out of there.

So that's sort of my current state of existence at the moment. I am a hormonal, crazy clock-watcher who pretends to distract herself with other things but who is really unable to focus on much besides the millions of Braxton Hicks contractions I have per day (or the times when I'm not having any and wondering why). It's really a lot of fun to be me/to be around me at the moment, I'm sure you can imagine (which is another reason why i went on hiatus from my internet life).

Oh, and I really have done EVERY trick there is to naturally induce labor aside from Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (i'm allergic to raspberries) and Castor Oil (waaaay too dangerous for me to even consider doing). Nothing seems to be working. I've massaged pressure points, I've walked at least a marathon's worth of laps around the mall this week alone, I've taken baths, I've eaten spicy foods, i've done jumping jacks...I've done it all, i swear i have. This is just one stubborn little baby. I blame his father for that one (even though i'm sure that's my trait...but Ryan is a taurus so i get to shift the blame to him for stubbornness).

If you're the praying type, please send me some prayers right now (i've tried that too though, obviously. I've prayed, meditated, talked to the baby and outright begged God to help me with this...none of it has worked yet but i'm still trying to find the magic combination of deities to make my case to).

so there we have it. My Due Date update. I really was hoping that I would have a baby by now and that he and I would giggle as i kissed his little feet and said, "today was supposed to be your due date little cutie!" but i guess he'd rather shove his feet up into my ribs than let me kiss them with my lips. *shrug* to each their own, i suppose.


Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa said...

I am praying he comes VERY soon! :)

Lisa said...

Rhian - this is wordupyo from LJ ... we're in the pregnant community together.

Just wanted to say I completely feel your pain, hon! Everyone was convinced my daughter was going to come early and then when I went three days overdue, I was MISERABLE. I had been losing my mucous plug for days and I was having BH contractions so I was sure that it would happen soon. I had my 40 week doctor's appointment on the 13th (I was due the 11th) and I had not progressed even the slightest. Cervix was high and closed. I was booked for an induction that day and I felt like a total failure because my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to be doing. I cried all afternoon. At 3:15pm, my water broke and I had my daughter not even 24 hours after that 40-week-there's-absolutely-no-progression-happening doctor's appointment.

So, there's hope. Because of my experience, I put no stock into early labour signs because I progressed SO quickly. All of the sudden, I'm contracting and dilating like a pro when nothing was happening earlier that day. Our bodies know what to do and when to do it. I know it's SO hard to stay positive at the end. I was like you - upset and feeling like a failure. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that he makes his appearance very soon! *hugs*