Thursday, March 31, 2011

sick day

Sick day today. Poor Henry. He slept super late (attached to me, his human pacifier) in our bed and it was a record i think...we didn't get up until 11:00AM. 

But immediately after getting up, the coughing began. Lots and lots and lots of coughing. It's sad. Last night he coughed so much that he threw up. I was obviously worried. 

Anyway, I obviously had to call the doctor just to ask them what they thought. They said that they wanted to see him so this afternoon we'll be trekking out in this weather (dreary, rainy and cold) and down to visit the doctor's office yet again. 

In the meantime, it's a couch kind of day since Henry doesn't seem to want to be anywhere else. He's clingy and snuggly and coughy and i just want to take care of him. We've been hanging out on the sofa and watching Feel Better shows like Bethenney Ever After and Real Housewives of New York. They soothe the soul. Lol. 

Anyway, we're surviving for now and I am still winning the battle against this cold but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like some good vibes and well intentioned prayers so please feel free to send some our way. 

Thanks, guys.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

love my husband

i woke up this morning from a nightmare. 

it's weird because as a child, i never knew or realized that adults had nightmares, too. but here i am, apparently an adult and i'm a mother now, and i still found myself waking up frightened from a bad dream.

although, this nightmare wasn't populated with monsters like the ones of my childhood were. This nightmare was way worse. 

I dreamed that my husband no longer wanted to be in my life. 

it was seriously the worst feeling ever. 

I guess that I'm writing about it because it was such a scary thing to consider that it really made me snap back into a place of gratitude for him and his companionship. And while I definitely go out of my way to appreciate him every day and to tell him i love him, it's just easy to take each other for granted after time, even if you have the best intentions not to do so. 

We've had so much going on in the past few months that there hasn't been a lot of room for small tokens of affection or little moments of romance. We haven't remembered (or at least i haven't) to stop and stand still while the busy world goes around us and to say, "wow i am so lucky that you're here with me". 

It reminds me of our wedding song (Look After You by The Fray). There's a part that says, "When I'm losing my control, the city spins around/you're the only one who knows, you slow it down". That's how Ryan makes me feel and that's how I would like to be. 

And Ryan, he's so great, when I rolled over at 5:00AM and said, "i dreamed you left me and didn't love me anymore" he put his arms around me and even though he was still 75% asleep he said, "that will never happen." and he kissed me.

I am so lucky and I am so grateful for him. And i write this today and share it here in such a public space because I hope to remind anyone who reads this of the simple truth of appreciation. Appreciate the people in your life who you love and who love you. Take a break today or tonight or tomorrow even to pause life and be grateful that you have those people in your life and in your heart. Because the world without them would surely be a nightmare. 

the battle has begun

this week i find myself battling yet another illness. and yet again, it is not my own illness that I am fighting. This time, it's Henry's. 

For those of you who don't know, the week that we went to settlement on our house, my husband came down with what I affectionately refer to as The Stomach Plague. Let's just say, it wasn't pretty and it ended him up in the ER for dehydration (followed by a jointly decided upon banishment from mine and Henry's presence...he was reloacted to his parents' house for several days). 

I had just barely put down the hand sanitizer (okay, who am i kidding? i'm still clutching that stuff with white knuckles...i do NOT want to get what Ryan had) when Henry started exhibiting signs of (a different, thank god) sickness himself. 

But let's rewind, shall we? 

So we settled on Friday, moved on Sunday and Henry had his (two week late) four month well baby visit scheduled for Monday. 

I called the pedi's office and asked if we could forego his shots this visit and instead if i could push them back a week or so. It just seemed to me that there was too much going on in a short period of time for one infant to deal with - especially since he had a pretty fierce reaction to his shots at 2 months old. 

They said, "Sure no problem!" and i felt good walking into his visit that monday. 

Until the doctor we were working with said something like, "Well you can push back the shots but....god forbid he gets meningitis in that time. I'm just saying."

oh, really, you're just saying? okay then. that makes it all better. 

she even said, "I won't judge you, no matter what you decide. But you do want to go into this decision with your eyes open."

cause yea, we all know that when people say "i won't judge you" it really usually means, "just letting you know, i'm going to speed-dial CPS after you leave."

So between her and Ryan wanting to be there when he gets them (he was with us), I was overruled and we went ahead and gave him the shots. 

And can i just say, this experience has taught me that i should always listen to my initial intuition about things? Because seriously, those shots at that time were a bad idea. 

Did Henry have a strong reaction? Yup. He needed the baby tylenol for two days after that, he slept all day, needed mommy. 

Not only that though but as of Thursday he clearly didn't feel good. Glassy eyes, sleepy, cranky, unwell. 

By Friday he had his first fever and a definitely stuffy nose. We were right back in that doctor's office, dealing with the same lady and I was thinking to myself,
"i TOLD you so." The poor little guy's system just went through WAY too many things at once. I knew it. 

And we've been fighting this cold of his ever since. 

The fight is being won though, it truly is. I will beat this cold and I won't let any pediatrician push me around next time. 

The battle has truly been epic are just a few stats:

- Times that we have, as of this post, stood in the bathroom with the shower running hot enough to make us a steam room: 3

- Amount of hours spent listening to Henry complain in his sleep because he is uncomfortable: 20+

- Hours spent walking around the house because we have a baby who is too cranky to do anything besides be carried around: 40

- Times Henry has choked on mucous in his throat sending me into a full out panic attack: 3

- Frantic phone calls to my mother and my sister who is a nurse: 3

- Tweets about Henry's health concerning me: 6

- Middle-of-the-night arguments between Ryan and myself because I am panicking and he is tired: 1

- Balloons purchased to try and cheer up a little baby who doesn't feel good: 1

- Amount of kisses and snuggles administered to try and cure this cold: 100+

It hasn't all been bad but i HAVE felt bad for the little guy. He clearly just hasn't felt well and his recovery is slow going. He's had a lot of changes recently and let's be honest, it's been tough for me and Ryan who are seemingly stable adults to adjust to all of this stuff.  I can't imagine what it's like for him.

And with that he's let out a little yell letting me know my time here on blogger is done. Wish us luck, I am winning these battles and i know i can win the war too.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

on boobs

Since becoming a mom I've learned a lot about myself...

For example, I can be a fully functioning and mostly-pleasant individual on only two hours of sleep. 

I can also change a diaper in under ten seconds. 

I make up great songs about mundane tasks and I am pretty much an expert at putting a onesie on over a squiggly baby who hates wearing clothes.

One thing i didn't know (nor had any way of knowing) was that I am full-on, obsessively passionate about breastfeeding. 

Seriously, I'm really, really into it. 

Breastfeeding was something that used to freak me out. I wasn't raised in a breastfeeding culture, it just wasn't something that happened in my family. But I am a researcher and every time something new happens in my life I hop online and skip over to the bookstore and I read as much as I can about it. This was true when I got pregnant, i became obsessed with learning what was going on in there and how my baby was developing. And then when it came time to figure out how I would care for that little life in my tummy, i researched the heck out of that as well. 

And my research showed me inconclusively that breastfeeding was, for me, the ONLY option. 

Now, let's be clear, I'm not writing this to start any debates. I know that this can be a fairly hot-button issue with some people. People get super-duper defensive about the subject and feel very attacked if they choose not to/couldn't breastfeed their child. I'm not even going to discuss that here though, that's not what I'm writing this about. I'm just writing to say: breastfeeding, for me, was the only choice. 

The unexpected thing was that it turns out that making that choice has been pretty much one of the top five best things to ever happen to me. 

I love it. I love it so much that I consider myself passionate about it. I read about it, i discuss it with people, i breastfeed anytime, any place and i don't feel embarrassed or apologetic at all. It's just not something I think i SHOULD feel weird about. 

But again, I don't want to get all political here. I'm sure i'll save that for a different post. 

The thing i DO want to write about is how weird our culture (and by that i mean mainstream American suburban/urban) is towards breastfeeding. It's weird that in our culture breasts are these giant (no pun intended) sexualized beings and that it's perfectly acceptable for women to flaunt them around in skimpy attire but that a sweet and loving mother can't feel comfortable nourishing her little baby while sitting on a park bench or in the mall. That's WEIRD, guys, it's weird. 

Not only that but then i go on to think about other things associated with breastfeeding and I guess with women's issues in general.

Freud said that women have "Penis Envy" and it's one of our fundamental issues that we need to overcome or something like that. Not to go too far on a tangent but I've never once thought to myself, "oh man, i wish i had something dangling around down there, making most of my decisions for me." 

If anything, I've reached the conclusion that if anyone should have any envy (which is a belief i don't ascribe to), that men should (and verywell probably DO) have breast envy. 

Seriously. Breasts are awesome. 

I was aware of the awesomeness of my breasts a long time ago. In fact, they've been something that I have been fond of and knew how to utilize since I got them at an early age. I've always known that breasts = fabulous. 

But it wasn't until becoming a mother that I found out just HOW amazing they really are. I mean, sure, can boobs be exploited and allow you certain advantages in our weird-o society? Yes, they definitely can. Can they make you feel lovely and feminine and attractive? Yup, they can do that to. 

That was where my previous knowledge of the greatness of boobs stopped. Usher in motherhood though and it's like a whole new door has been opened up to me about the fantasticness of the female body and specifically of breasts. 

Boobs are amazing. Do you realize that my son has been alive for 133 days and the ONLY thing he has ever eaten is milk that has been produced for him by my breasts? That's SO incredible. He has been kept alive exclusively by my body. How phenomenal is that? 

and not only that but he LOVES when I nurse him. He loves it. My breasts are able to soothe and comfort, to put him to sleep, heck they even provide a pillow for him to rest his little head on when he falls asleep. 

It just astonishes me that my body is such a miracle. Not only was it able to grow and sustain his life while he was developing during my pregnancy but it is continuing to grow and sustain his life well after he has left my womb. How amazing is that? 

How amazing are women?

It's easy as women to get down on ourselves for our physical appearance if we aren't stick thin with beachballs glued on top of our chests (again, thanks weird culture) but now whenever I am lamenting the fact that it's taking me much longer than i expected to lose the last 15 pounds of pregnancy weight, all i have to do is think about the fact that my body is a miracle. My body takes care of and nourishes my son. It soothes him, it comforts him, it keeps him alive. 

and that is pretty freakin' fantastic if you ask me. 

Which puts a whole new spin to Elaine's "They're real and they're fantastic" quote, dont you think?

all moved in

here i am, updating from our new house!

it's really pretty much the most exciting thing ever to write that sentence. Ryan and I have been waiting for this for so long and the fact that it's finally here is kind of one of those pinch-me-so-i-know-it's-real scenarios. 

what ISN'T so fairy tale about the thing so far is that the house is in a state of organizational disarray. 

I've moved a lot in my life. Ryan and I have moved six times in the four and a half years we've been together. That's substantial. You'd think i'd be an expert by now. Unfortunately, i'm not and therefore sitting in a house full of boxes of my junk still has the power to force me to call Ryan while he's at work and say things like, "oh my god, i cannot deal with this!" and, "is our house going to be a mess forever??"

Lucky for me, Ryan knows just how to handle these mental-breakdowns of mine and he reassures me that it just takes time and patience and things will be fine. Our houses never stay this way forever. Duh. 

But i still hate this chaos phase of things. I like when everything is all in it's place. i like when i can sashay into the kitchen and whip up dinner without having to rummage around looking for basic ingredients. I like having my real curtains up and not the fleece blanket that we've currently dangled from the sides of the window so that Henry will stay asleep past sunrise. 

i like organization. 

I'm learning to let go and look at time in larger chunks though. I've had to learn this since becoming a momma anyway so i guess the universe is just giving me an opportunity here to put that new tool into use. Tasks that I used to be able to achieve in 10 minutes now can take up to an hour or more. Running a quick errand is a thing of the past (although ironically enough, taking a long shower has also fallen into the "days of yore" category). So i guess i have to stop looking at "unpacking all of our belongings" as something i can somehow do in an hour. Even though i really think/wish that i could. 

But anyway, here we are, in our new house! our own new house! and despite the fact that my kitchen isn't redone yet and it is the smallest kitchen on earth and that the bathroom is pink and gray and the hot water in the shower is all messed up and that i cannot find any of my current clothing there is honestly hardly anything better than waking up everyday here in our own home together. It's sooo nice. Just what we were imagining. 

So yea, things are pretty good so far. 


Saturday, March 19, 2011

I Want to be More Like Henry

I want to be more like Henry, he's already taught me so much:

Every morning he wakes up and smiles at the new day. He lays in bed and laughs to himself, chuckling at private jokes and little amusements he finds around him.

He explores. Even though he can't walk or even roll over yet, the world fascinates him. He reaches with his hands, turns his head, kicks his feet. He tastes everything.

I want to be more like Henry. I want to foster that curiosity, that absolute glee towards life.

I want to be more like Henry, every day he does something new.

He appreciates his feet, is thrilled when something lightly brushes his tummy and it tickles. He loves music and truly studies the arts.

Henry doesn't miss a detail. He stares at lamps and light fixtures, studies spoons and toys. He is fascinated by the things that most of us take for granted.

When he sees people he loves, without any hesitation whatsoever he greets them with the largest smile that his face can contain. I want to be more like that.

I want to be more like Henry. I want to study and investigate and to notice. I want to smile broadly and make everyone who I love really feel it.

I want to be more like Henry, he's so honest and true.

When something is going wrong, he speaks up about it. He isn't afraid of treading on other peoples' feelings, he isn't embarrassed by anything. When something isn't right, Henry tells us.

And when it's right again, he's joyful again. Hes appreciative. He smiles.

I want to be more like Henry. He's the best person I know.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Giveaway Fun & Mommy Must Haves!

First, I want you guys to keep your eyes open for my first ever giveaway! I've been in touch with an AWESOME etsy seller and I am hoping that she and I can work something out so I can do this amazing giveaway. 

Just something to keep on your radar. 

anyway, in the meantime, there are a few posts I've been wanting to write and right now Ryan is in the other room with Henry and i can hear them playing and having a great time so I figured I would sit down and do this post!

Back when I was pregnant, my good friend Victoria of wrote a really awesome post listing all of her favorite things she needed as a mom. She just recently wrote an updated post with even more stuff too. I swear, when I read her first post, I wrote everything down and added all of it to my registry and I have to say: she was right about it all!

Then not long ago another friend of mine Laura over at wrote a very similar post with all of her must-haves and I was thrilled to see a lot of different stuff on there which I have put onto ANOTHER list called "Things To Try" lol and I can't wait to use a lot of them. 

So then I realized that I wanted to get in on the fun and since I have about five pregnant friends, I thought that I should make use of this awesome blog space and just make a list too! If you are reading this and have anything to add, please feel free to share it with me in the comments :)

so here we go:

My own list of Mommy Must Have's!

1. The Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper

There is a reason i put this as the first item! It's the absolute best baby item we've had so far. Henry has slept in here every night since he was about three weeks old. It's perfect, it saddles up right next to the bed and when he starts stirring in the night, Ryan just reaches out and rocks him right back to sleep. Amazing, wonderful and fabulous. And it's angled to prevent issues with reflux. Dream item!

2. Soothie Pacifiers

Soothie Pacifiers, affectionately known by me as "the hospital pacifiers" are just that, they're the pacifiers they give you when you come home from the hospital. Now, Henry is NOT a pacifier baby by any means BUT if he's going to take anything, it's going to be this kind and this kind only. Definitely has helped us once or twice. 

3. Johnson & Johnson's Baby Bedtime Bubble Bath and Wash

Once We figured out that Henry loves the bath when he takes it with me, the other step to that puzzle was adding Johnson's baby bedtime bubble bath and wash. Seriously. I know i sound like a weird commercial here but it's true - this stuff is great. It helps him get sleepy and ready for bed! We use it EVERY NIGHT in his bath as part of our bedtime routine and it's wonderful

4. My Pal Scout

Scout is a really cool programmable dog. You plug him into your computer through the USB drive and you can enter in your child's name and interests. It then customizes songs and things including those interests and your baby's name! It's so cool. It also has a lullaby setting and can play music for up to ten straight minutes. Scout has been useful for us on many occasions, especially in long car rides with a cranky little guy in the back seat.

5. Medela Pump In Style

The Medela pump is amazing. I love mine so much and it is so convenient in it's little tote form. I didn't realize how necessary a good breast pump would be and while i DO feel like a farm animal sometimes when using it, it's fast and easy and effective and easy to clean and take care of and i love it. 

6. Baby Einstein Musical Motion Activity Jumper

Now that Henry is a little bit bigger, we would seriosuly be lost if it wasn't for this awesome bouncer. It's seriously SO great and he loves loves loves it!

7. Ergo Infant Carrier

I have tried so many carriers. I am a big fan of baby-wearing and Henry LOVES to be snuggled up against me. None of the other carriers even come CLOSE to being as amazing as the Ergo is. It distributes the weight of the baby to your back (which is important when you have a big boy like Henry!) and lets him be close. It also allows you to wear baby on your back when he's older. I love this carrier and it is worth it's price. (a close second for me is the moby wrap but that definitely takes some getting used to)

8. Snap N' Go Stroller Frame

This has been so great for us. We didn't buy a traditional travel system, instead we registered for a GREAT carseat (the chicco Keyfit 30) and a jogging stroller. We also got one of these and it has been awesome. It's so easy to use and quick to open up. You just take it out, flip it open and put the carseat in it and ta-da! off you go. Seriously, i can do it with one hand and that is a must. So great and so convenient. 

9. Sassy Bugs on Board

These just happen to be the ones we have but the idea is fundamental: have little soft things hanging from the bar of your carseat. Seriously. Henry HATES being in his carseat and he hates the car. That bee right there on the right is one of the only reasons he stays calm sometimes. It has honestly helped me calm him down on many occasions. SO GREAT.

10. Sassy Ring O'Links

Even though he's not a huge fan of activity mats or gyms, these rings have helped us make the ones Henry does like more tolerable to him. You can extend the things that hang from them by adding these rings. Definitely necessary and helpful and awesome. 

11. Baby Einstein Bendy Ball

Henry is obsessed with this ball. OBSESSED. There is a second little ball inside this ball and it dingalings around and the cage part is bendy and this was one of the first things Henry could pick up on his own and put in his mouth. He loves it! Loves it.

12. Boudreaux's Buttpaste

An organic and safe diaper rash cream that seriously clears up rashes instantly. It's SO great. 

13. BabyGanics Stain Stain Go Away

This stuff takes out the worst stains. Just spray it on immediately and there you go, no ruined onesies.

I avoided putting obvious things on this list but just to be clear, we also could not have survived the past four months without a pack and play, a swing and a soft mat/blankets on the floor lol 

okay that's all i have time for for now! I have a crying baby to feed and snuggle and bathe. Oh, and Henry needs some attention also ;) 

Four Months Old

Time goes by so quickly.

Today my baby boy is 17 weeks old. Tomorrow will be March 9th: four months since he was born. Four months!

I know maybe to people who don't have kids, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, or that a four month old is any much less of a baby than a newborn...but to me, four months has been a HUGE expanse of time and experiences.

The baby that i gave birth to 17 weeks ago was a tiny, bewildered, sleepy little boy who needed me to shield him. He needed to inch his way up next to me, to bury his face into the crook of my arm and to fall asleep there while his senses tried to adjust to a loud and busy world.

Today as I write this, just four short months later, that same baby is sitting behind me jumping up and down in his bouncer. He is reaching for a toy giraffe and putting it in his mouth to see what it tastes like. He just pushed a button on the bouncer to make it play music. He's amazing. He's incredible.

My four month old can look around, he can hold his head up, he can sit on my lap and reach out and grab things. The other night he was sitting on his dad and I went over and handed him a toy and walked away. He took it from me. That's amazing! He is now a person you can hand things to.

He's over there right now playing by himself and having a great time.

Not to even mention the changes in his physical appearance. He was so tiny, so little when i first had him. Now he's this BIG baby boy! Healthy, happy, literally a bouncing baby boy!

So many times over the past four months I have found myself overwhelmed or freaking out, looking at the clock and thinking, "okay just a few more hours until Ryan gets home/until bed time/until naptime/whatever" but now i think back and I want to push pause even on those moments where i felt like the world was caving in because it all goes by too fast.

He's four months old already, he wants to crawl and sit and talk and after that he'll want to walk and run and then he'll let go of my hand and take off and I will be left watching him proudly but still feeling the ever slightest ache in my heart that i don't have that tiny little bundle to wrap up in my arms and sit on my lap.

Four months. He's a blessing and a miracle and I cherish every single moment i've had with him these past four months. I cannot wait to see what the next four bring...just not TOO quickly i hope.


Friday, March 4, 2011

Henry Friday

So i thought I would post the Henry Friday updates here that I do on my personal blog. I typically avoid cross posting from blog to blog but since I'm trying to update here more often anyway i thought i might as well share the Weekly Henry Friday posts, right?

so here we go:

So omg it's a Friday Miracle! A Henry Friday post on an actual Friday!? We shall see lol

here are the stats:

Age: 16 weeks 3 days
Weight: apx 19.5 pounds
Length: He is very long and can only wear nine month old clothes now (ditto last week's answer)
Eye color: grayish/greenish/bluish
Hair: brown
Sleep: still really disrupted and up several times a night :(
Food: boooooooooooob

uh oh, hes cranky...lets see if i can get back to this while it's still friday...


Henry Likes:
- his bouncer
- playing "sit up!" and "lay back down!" with mommy on the bed (i pull him up into a sitting position and then lower him back to laying down)
- playing with his kick piano in his pack and play
- his reflection (who wouldnt though? he IS beautiful!)

Henry doesn't like:
- putting his arms in sleeves
- sleeping in large stretches lol
- not being able to get things the second he wants
- being still for too long

- his feet reach the floor in his bouncer now and he can reach out and grab all the stuff
- he recognizes himself
- he laughs
- talks to his reflection

Memories from this week:
- his first time on a swing at the park with Jule Ann!
- when Aunt Heather came over and he was in his pack and play laughin at his reflection
- how he laughs when i tickle his tummy
- poopsplosion this morning that soaked through to the mattress then i had to put him in the bath then he immediately spit up into the bath lol it was a mess

here's the best part!












lol fat and naked

there's that famous glare


i love this one






love this one too

Henry says, "buh-bye!"

okay i'm getting yelled at gotta go lol