sleep? what's that?

I have pregnancy-induced sleep deprivation. Soon, I've been told, it will be replaced by infant-induced sleep deprivation so I guess i just need to listen to what anyone who has kids has been saying to us ominously and often: "get used to it now!!" (and then they laugh it up like they've just been waiting and waiting to poke a hole into the balloon of parents-to-be who think they might EVER sleep again). From the sound of it, I'm expecting to be indoctrinated into some secret night society of sleepless parents. We'll all play cards and watch old black and white movies together and eat caramel apples and popcorn while we laugh and laugh over the days in the past where we thought sleep was actually a necessity.

or, you know, maybe not.

I've been awake since at least 4:00something. And it wasn't even productive awake, i didn't figure anything out, didn't read a few chapters. hell, i didn't even go on twitter. I just kind of stared into the shadows of my bedroom and watched lights move across the walls when cars drove by. and even that sounds much more poetic than it really was i think.

I tried being productive but it just didn't take. For example, I tried to come up with a name for our baby finally but i just keep cycling through the same ones over and over and over again and never making any real progress. So far there is a front-runner that we're pretty sure we're going to use (we've had it picked out for the past 16 weeks) but who knows for sure if that's really going to win out or not.

Our plan really is to wait until we can see him and then hopefully he'll psychically impart his name onto us and we'll just know. I'll say, "oh THAT's your name! Why didn't you say so earlier?" and then sign the birth certificate with confidence. I wish he could tell me his name now, honestly or that it was socially acceptable for us to just wait until he's like four years old at which point i can approach him, lean over, prop my hands on my knees and say, "Hey there little guy, what's your name?" and he'll just tell us what it's supposed to be. Although i guess if that's how society did this whole thing there'd be a lot of adult men named Batman and Spiderman (who am i to talk, my name would be Rainbow Brite if that was how i played it too...although, that might be kind of awesome actually)



if Ryan had his way, i have the feeling that our kid would be named Batman anyway.

While I was staring into the bedroom in the dark i did do some mental calculations. If the baby comes when we've agreed upon (yes, i made an agreement with the baby about when he should come provided he is at a healthy weight and development level), i really only have like 25 days or so left of my pregnancy. If he comes by his due date, we have 38 days left. If we're induced because he's late we have 45 days left. Basically, either way: holy shit, this is happening soon.

I really can't believe that it's almost here, that the baby is almost going to be living out here...you know, in the real world. Instead of the safe and comfortable (okay comfortable for him...maybe) world inside my belly.

Speaking of which, I know I have been guilty of complaining about discomfort (and sleep issues) recently but i know, i am just positive that within a few weeks after his birth I am going to envy kangaroos and their ability to swoop up their little kanga-kin and put them in a pouch in their bellies. Why don't we get that option? Aren't we supposed to be the superior species or something like that? I think the baby should be re-insertable when i am running late for an appointment or i just wanna keep him extra protected or i'd rather just feed him through my own stomach. Sounds good, no?

okay like i said, I'm sleep deprived.

I should end this and try to go do...you know, something. My cat is circling around me like a shark and, like the movie jaws, i am never sure if i am safe or not. Several times my feet have already fallen victim to little claws and the gnawing of her little teeth. It's been fun and non-stop excitement. Maybe not sleeping anymore will work out just fine. Or maybe if i got some sleep i might not think this is even remotely awesome. Who knows.