times they are a changin'

I am in the middle of working on a blog redesign as I mentioned before. 

I'm going through a personal transformation at the moment and I want my blog to reflect that. A lot is going on in my life and I truly believe that I have grown quite a bit in the past year-plus. I've come to a realization and that realization is pretty big and pretty important to me: it's time for me to step fully into my life and into my purpose. 

I've known for many years what my purpose is and that I am meant to have a life of service. What that means for me is that it is my job on this Earth, in my own way, to help other people. I have been in contemplation of what this means in application for a long time even though deep down I've always known the answers. The truth is though, the answer of what my life is meant to BE like scares me, it's hard and it involves risk and requires me to get open and honest and in touch with my true self and honestly, all of that is SCARY and difficult. 

Because of all of this I've spent quite a while ignoring my true purpose, my "calling" in this life. I've tried to come up with alternative ideas, tried to bury my head in the sand and do something else. I've tried to just find contentment in other pursuits. Of course I've never been happy though, I've never truly felt like myself - why would I? I've only partially been embracing who I am meant to be. The truth is, and I know this now: we are who we are and eventually our lives will take the shape they are meant to, no matter how much we resist or pretend to be someone else.  Might as well just be honest and get to it right away. That's what I'd go back and tell my earlier self if I could (well, one thing anyway).

I don't know about you, but it's my fundamental belief that life has purpose. Maybe that's obvious and you just shrugged your shoulders like, "duh". Maybe not though, maybe that phrase is lame to you and you think I sound all gimicky and silly saying something like that. I have no idea and it doesn't even matter. Life has purpose and there is MORE to life than just what we see and what we know as fact. That is something I KNOW to be true.

I know it's trendy to be an atheist and to think things like what I just said are stupid. Go ahead and click the 'x' in the tab above if that's how you feel because it's gonna get a lot more new-agey up in here in the future. I know it's eye-roll-worthy to a lot of people to believe in something more - something deeper to this life. I don't care if that's how you feel, though. I am over it. I have spent a lot of my life trying to hide my beliefs and my feelings because I don't want to be judged or mocked and I'm not going to do that anymore. Because I have always known that there is more. 

I don't proclaim to know what that "more" is. Let's be real - I have no idea. But I believe in the energy of it all and that's enough for me. 

Fundamentally it's important to know that life has meaning. Whether that meaning is derived from an omniscient force or whether that meaning is derived solely from ourselves - life has meaning. We can ignore it, pretend there is no meaning, put our heads down and just get through each day ignoring anything larger than ourselves and our tasks at hand but none of those responses can nullify the meaning of life. Life is big and it is more than just ourselves. No one person is truly an island and that fact alone gives each life value. 

So that said, I believe in the value of each life, and I believe in the value of my life and furthermore I believe in the value of YOUR life. Whether you believe in it or not - it's there.  

I am going to follow my heart and become truer to myself. And I'm going to take this blog along for the journey - wherever it may lead.  

I'm not fully ready just yet to divulge all of my big plans but they're coming and I hope you stick around for them.