i woke up this morning from a nightmare.
it's weird because as a child, i never knew or realized that adults had nightmares, too. but here i am, apparently an adult and i'm a mother now, and i still found myself waking up frightened from a bad dream.
although, this nightmare wasn't populated with monsters like the ones of my childhood were. This nightmare was way worse.
I dreamed that my husband no longer wanted to be in my life.
it was seriously the worst feeling ever.
I guess that I'm writing about it because it was such a scary thing to consider that it really made me snap back into a place of gratitude for him and his companionship. And while I definitely go out of my way to appreciate him every day and to tell him i love him, it's just easy to take each other for granted after time, even if you have the best intentions not to do so.
We've had so much going on in the past few months that there hasn't been a lot of room for small tokens of affection or little moments of romance. We haven't remembered (or at least i haven't) to stop and stand still while the busy world goes around us and to say, "wow i am so lucky that you're here with me".
It reminds me of our wedding song (Look After You by The Fray). There's a part that says, "When I'm losing my control, the city spins around/you're the only one who knows, you slow it down". That's how Ryan makes me feel and that's how I would like to be.
And Ryan, he's so great, when I rolled over at 5:00AM and said, "i dreamed you left me and didn't love me anymore" he put his arms around me and even though he was still 75% asleep he said, "that will never happen." and he kissed me.
I am so lucky and I am so grateful for him. And i write this today and share it here in such a public space because I hope to remind anyone who reads this of the simple truth of appreciation. Appreciate the people in your life who you love and who love you. Take a break today or tonight or tomorrow even to pause life and be grateful that you have those people in your life and in your heart. Because the world without them would surely be a nightmare.